How to Talk to Kids About Hard Things
With the 10 year anniversary of 9-11 fresh on our minds, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I can explain some of these things that happen in the world to my kids. In a perfect world, kids would never have to deal with these things (heck – in a perfect world, WE’D never have to deal with these things). The sad fact of the matter is, though, our kids are going to have to deal with hard things – many times before they are emotionally able to cope with some of the things that are thrown their way.
All of us have a story of where we were on 9-11. I was getting ready to teach a room full of 1st graders when a call came and told us to turn on our T.V. I’m from D.C. and have many friends who moved to New York City after graduation. I sat stunned as I watched the first tower fall before I left for work. The second tower fell while I was listening to my car radio during my drive.
I didn’t have children of my own at
the time, but I had to sit in my car for a few minutes before going in and try and find the words I was going to say to those kids before I went in to teach. I had hoped that they would be oblivious of the situation but kids pick up far more than we often give them credit for and these kids got that there was something big going on.
Don’t Talk Down to Your Kids
My kids have had more than their fair share of tragedy and trauma in their short lives. One of the things that has struck me as we’ve faced each trial is that my kids don’t want to be sheltered – they want information. While it is obviously important to keep the information you share with your kids age-appropriate, you do want to be sure that you are the one providing them with information so they don’t jump to conclusions or look to other sources to answer their questions.
Share How You Feel
The first night home from the hospital after our infant son passed away was a hard one. I physically could not fall asleep and I spent the night in tears as all the fresh emotions washed over me. My son, who was almost 6 at the time heard me crying and came into my room. He spent the night rubbing my back and comforting me.
I felt guilty about that at the time but later I realized that he needed to see me grieve so that he understood it was okay to express his emotions when he was struggling. That night paved the way for him to open up to me as the emotions from his brother’s death hit him.
Take a Break
During hard times in life it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially for kids who don’t have as much experience dealing with hard things. When things get to be too much, it’s important to take a break.
After the death of a loved one or during a crisis you may feel guilty taking a break to have some fun but it’s important to step back from the situation sometimes to gain some perspective. Take a break and go to a movie with your kids or play one of their favorite games. Once they’ve had the chance to step back a bit they’ll be better able to cope with everything that is going on.
What tips do you have for talking to your kids about hard things?
