In 2009 we had a child pass away, were told our 4 year old very likely had a brain tumor, and my husband and 6 year old son nearly drowned in a boating accident. It wasn’t a good time for us. Today, 3 out of my 4 children are healthy and strong but the fear that I experienced during that time in my life continues to play a part in the way that I parent my children and the choices that I make for them every day.

Parenting is scary business. Any first time mom holding a fragile newborn will tell you that fear is at the top of her list of emotions. My list of fears could fill a book and range from the normal (I’m afraid of losing another child) to the obscure (I’m afraid my children will sneak out of the house in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping). My fears affect nearly everything I do and I worry, that they are starting to affect the things my children do.

Fearful Parents Raise Fearful Children

My 2 year old son has no fear. I wish I could be more like him in a way. His short life has so far spared him the experiences that create fear so he lives his life acting in the moment. The other day I watched as he ran in front of a larger child swinging on a playground swing. He narrowly missed being kicked but he ran on, oblivious of any danger. My 6 year old son put his hand on his heart and gasped. After danger was averted he took a deep breath and said, “Wow. That scared me to death”, in perfect imitation of me in my constant state of stress.

When children see fear in their parents they learn to fear in their own lives. While some healthy fear is healthy (my 2 year old could use a little more fear), too much can be crippling, especially for a busy mom caring for young children. Parents have to find a way to overcome their own fears so that their children can live healthy, normal lives because let’s face it, if we gave in to even half our fears, none of us would ever leave the house.

Fear Limits New Opportunities

Most things in life are a leap of faith but fear can prevent us from having some wonderful experiences. Our boating accident was a strange combination of events that were not caused by neglect or recklessness. My husband and son jumped in the water at the end of the day for a quick swim when the waves picked up and carried them away from the boat. I went to start the engine to pull the boat around and pick them up and the engine malfunctioned and would not start. Within minutes, the waves had pushed my husband and son so far away that I couldn’t even hear them scream. The hour that I spent, helpless in that boat, while the coastguard searched the waters was one of the most difficult I have ever faced. After they were found, I watched the ambulance rush away from the dock carrying my husband and son and I wanted nothing more than to get off that boat and never get near a body of water again.

Nearly a year later, my family and I spent a relaxing day at the beach, enjoying each other and the beauty of the water, which is a rare treat in the life of a busy mom. My 4 year old son, who had been in the boat at the time of the accident, came screaming away from the wave. He told me “That water is so dangerous. The waves will make you die.” I comforted my son and mourned that nature had given him reason to fear beauty.

Fear can take things from us if we give into it. How much are you willing to give up for your fears?

Fearful Parents Cannot Provide Emotional Support

My oldest son struggled with extreme shyness for years. As a parent, it was important that I set aside my own fears in order to help him deal with his. Now he has a fear of losing someone he loves to death and I don’t know how to help him overcome that fear because I struggle with the same thing. His fears and mine cause extra anxiety that takes away some of the joy in life, but I can’t help him overcome his fears until I overcome mine. I need to teach my children to be brave, confident little people because those traits are imperative to their future success and happiness.

I’ve found that I can’t take small steps when it comes to overcoming fear. Have you ever tried to take small steps when you are afraid? It’s like creeping up to the edge of the pool when you are worried the water is going to be too cold. You have to just jump right in, and more often than not, you find that the water isn’t as cold as you thought it would be.

How does fear play a role in the way that you parent?