How to Connect with Your Teen
As children move into their teen years, part of their developmental process drives them to separate from parents as they establish their own identity. While this is an important part of maturing, it is equally crucial that parents remain connected with their teen. Teenagers need a balance of independence and supervision, freedom and accountability. It’s not easy, especially when teens can become moody, mouthy, irritable or arrogant. Teens may also withdraw from family activities and shun participation in outings or traditions they formerly enjoyed.
The key to staying connected with your teen is finding new ways to reach out and opening new avenues of communication.
Go high tech.
Take advantage of your teen’s interest in gadgets, technology and the Internet to keep your bond strong. Text a silly message, become one of their “friends” on MySpace.com or call them during the day to touch base.
Write it down.
When conversation fizzles or all you get is a non-committal grunt from your teen, try turning to the written word. Some parents have found success by creating a notebook or journal that they and their teen take turns writing in. Sometimes teens are more willing to express concerns, worries or sensitive questions when they don’t have to so it face-to-face. Another approach that works for some parents to eliminate arguments is to write a list of chores or responsibilities for their teens. Just point to the chart, but be ready to follow up with consequences if the responsibilities are not fulfilled.
Just hang out.
Sometimes teens withdraw from parents to avoid being lectured or nagged. Build your teen’s trust by incorporating brief, relaxed moments throughout the day. Have breakfast together, fix dinner together, kick back on the sofa and watch television together.
Express yourself.
They might grimace, they might frown, but teens still need – and want – to know their parents love them. Give them encouragement and feedback, and let them know that even if things get rough, you still care and are there for them. Model respectful communications skills and avoid embarrassing them in front of their friends with PDAs (public displays of affection).
Play together.
The key to staying connected with your teen is to make the most of any opportunity that comes along. You can create opportunities by participating in activities your teen enjoys. Shoot a few hoops, coach a sports team, challenge them to a video game competition, teach them your favorite card game or spend a night playing board games.
Although it can be frustrating and sometimes feel like you’re talking to a wall, parents can stay connected with their teens if they make the most of small moments every day and look for creative ways to remind their teens they are loved.
by Maria Connor
