Stop Telling Your Kids “In a Minute”
A few years ago I had an experience as a mom that made me really stop and think about what my actions were saying to my kids. I was busy trying to do everything on my to-do list at once, as usual, when my youngest son came up to me and asked me to play a game with him. “In a minute.” I said, and went right back to what I was doing.
My son stomped off yelling, “’In a minute’ just means NEVER!”
It stopped me in my tracks.
How many times had I told him “in a minute” that week? How many times had I actually gotten back to what he wanted me to do (and were any of those times in a reasonable amount of time — especially for a child)?
Since then I’ve tried to make an effort to take “in a minute” out of my vocabulary. Sure, there’s still times that I need to say it . . . repeatedly. because kids are not known for being the most patient creatures. But now when my kids ask me to play with them or help them with something I at least think twice before responding to them.
I try and ask myself a few questions before saying “In a Minute”:
1. Is what I’m doing right now more important than the memory my child will have of me playing with them?
2. Is what I’m doing right now truly urgent or can it be done later?
3. Am I saying “in a minute” as a stall tactic or do I actually mean I’m going to stop what I’m doing in a minute and give my child my attention?
Sometimes we really are right in the middle of things and can’t just drop everything and pay complete attention to our kids. Honestly, I don’t even think we SHOULD always drop everything the second our kids ask. Learning to be patient is part of life.
But (and this is a big BUT) if we have asked ourselves all of the above questions and still need some extra time we need to communicate with our kids.
If you are stalling because the answer is “no”, just tell your child that and explain why.
If you are working on something that needs to be done now, tell your child “yes, but I need to finish this first”. Let them know how much time you need and then stick to that. Even if you have to set a timer and stop before you are done with whatever you are working on.
Honestly, there are still days that I fall into the trap of telling my kids, “just a minute” when I’m really focusing on things that could probably wait until later. I think we all do it. Stopping what I am doing, even if it is important, shows my child that he is important to me, that he matters more than my to-do list. And that’s what I want my kids to remember when they are grown — that I took the time to focus on them, even when I was busy, because they are important to me.
How do you prioritize your time during the day so your kids know they are important to you?
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